


When I Go

by Aze



Category: Naruto
Genre: + my other silly friends, Bal-Senpai, Because dogs are amazing, Character Death, Cheerful, Gen, Girl goes from civilian born nobody to part of the Inuzuka clan, Grief, Growing Up, I am evil yes please stroke my ego, I love hearing about how much you hate me, I love you all though, I make the rules here, I play fastball with people's feelings, I play pool with people's hearts cuz I like to make them sink, Minimal amount of harm to doggo, Mourning, Oneshot, Positive ending, Right?, Rose-senpai, Shisui-senpai, Short as hell, Therapy Dog, Until it turns into the sweet dark hell of angst you were all hoping for, You may cry while reading this. Please complain about it to me, background implied team family dynamics, blue-chan, boo!, damn enablers, dedicated to:, even with these tags I will still probably get you, good doggo, it is glossed over, just a bandage, just making sure you're still paying attention, no description of harm to doggo, nobody reads all the tags when there's this many, not that you're reading this, omg how dare you read all of them, overuse of timeskips, right - Freeform, right!?!?!?!?, right??, right???, subjective as to whether it's a good one, this is my domain, unless you're from Genjutsu Support Group, where I already blabbed about the fic and its plot, you're the best GSG
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 05:12:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18276473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aze/pseuds/Aze
Summary: A civilian born girl longs to be a kunoichi, so that she can prevent anyone else from feeling the pain of having their papa be taken away in the middle of the night by a man desperate for money.Her mother, wiser than most, begs a certain dog-themed clan's leader to save her daughter's life, because nobody else wants to.





	When I Go

“You will not die. Am I understood?” the teal-haired lady asked, dark brown-green eyes almost eclipsed as she squinted unhappily at her daughter.

“Yes, haha-ue,” the tiny slip of a girl said, smiling widely and ruffling her own light green hair. “I’d never do that. You’d be so sad!”

“Yes, I would, peanut,” the mother whispered, clutching her daughter close and unexpectedly tightly. The little girl started to struggle after a moment, saying ‘ow!’, and the mother released her immediately, a bit surprised at herself. “I’m so sorry, peanut. I was just… Mama was worried, but now that you’ve promised, mama is okay,” she lied, smiling warmly as she noticed how excited her daughter was all over again.

“Mama, can we get ice cream?”

“Sure thing,” Kokoro said. “Just as soon as you’ve eaten a proper supper. Since you’re going to be training so much now, you’re going to need to start eating more substantial protein-based meals.”

“Training?” Kana asked, eyes wide as she looked up at her mother. “But I thought…”

“Later, yes, in a year or two. You’re almost five; you’ll be entered in the academy when you’re seven, or eight if you don’t get in the first time,” Kokoro agreed. “The academy is not kind to civilian-born shinobi though, let alone kunoichi like yourself. It is a badly kept secret that clan-born children or those born to shinobi are treated to earlier training, which makes them more prepared for academy life. By training you early, I can make sure you’ll have the best chances for this life, and you will also have a chance to see what life is like for your future peers, and to say no if you decide you no longer wish to fight for our village.”

“Thank you, haha-ue,” Kana smiled again. Her mama was very kind, to try to help her succeed, and to make sure that she could say no if she wanted to. Of course, Kana had no intention of backing out, not after those men had taken away her papa and her mama had cried for days. Still, the green-haired girl could appreciate her mama’s efforts to give her a good life. That was all haha-ue cared about these days, and Kana would never forget that as long as she lived.

* * *

Kokoro took Kana to the training fields after a few days, dry-eyed but looking as though she might cry. Still, Kana’s mama’s back was ramrod straight, and she looked intensely at a woman walking across the field to them. This new person radiated danger and safety in equal measure. Kana stretched out a hand towards the pretty lady, who she later learned was named Inuzuka Tsume, and the pretty lady crouched and tousled her hair while a big dog walked over to her and licked her hand.

“So this is your kid, Komatsu-san?” Tsume-san asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, Inuzuka-sama. Please help my daughter to become strong enough to survive.”

“Why me?” Tsume-san asked bluntly, casting her gaze from Kokoro to Kana. “And why should I train a civilian?”

“Because,” Kana interrupted quietly, “Mama made me promise not to die. I need to keep that promise, and I want to help other kids to never have their papa taken in the middle of the night when everyone’s s’posed to be sleeping, miss. Clans have a lot of people and there’s always someone keeping watch. But people like mama and me, we don’t have nobody watching us at night.”

“Anybody,” Kokoro corrected absently in her surprise. “I’m sorry, Inuzuka-sama, I’ve been so busy I’ve had trouble teaching her manners and etiquette, she doesn’t usually talk to people like this though-”

“No, this is good,” Tsume hummed. “I can work with that. Besides, she'd look great in the standard field uniform, she'd be decently hard to spot with those colours. But why me?”

“Because there is no one else,” Kokoro admitted, her eyes slightly less dry. “I asked everyone else I could think of. Few clans are willing, and few others trust a civilian not to call foul play and get them in trouble. I don’t have much to offer, but I can put together enough to pay you whatever you need if you give me time--”

“No,” Tsume said, watching Kana quietly. “She reminds me of my daughter. You’ll pay for her equipment, nothing more, unless she quits or graduates. Once she starts taking missions she can send me small cuts of her income, with the condition that she only sends money when she can as I don’t want to make her homeless, until she’s paid me in full. Any fees would be to help cover for any specialty gear or… other things… I may provide for her that a civilian might not be able to acquire or may have difficulty in doing so. If she ends up quitting, she’ll do the same whenever she gets a job, with a twenty percent increase of the total fee. Fair?”

“What do you think, Kana?” Kokoro asked, crouching in front of her. “I am totally okay with this offer, but you’re going to have to grow up quickly to be a good kunoichi, and part of that means taking what you think into consideration when we talk about your future now. Are you willing to agree to paying Inuzuka-sama with some of the money you get in the future, for however long it takes? You can still change your mind later on becoming a kunoichi, but you would still have to pay Inuzuka-sama.”

“Yes, mama,” Kana agreed, emerald green-eyed gaze narrowing in determination. “I want to be a good kunoichi. I won’t back down. And so long as I still get enough money for ice cream and to help with whatever you need help with, mama, I don’t care how much money Inuzuka-sama needs.”

“Kids,” Tsume chuckled. “But she’s got a good heart.”

“Yes,” Kokoro said with a soft, sad smile. “Yes, she does.”

* * *

Training with Tsume-sensei, as her new teacher had insisted on being called, was the perfect middle point between fun and hellishly hard. Tsume-sensei made her run for long times, do a lot of stretches and exercises, and made her sit in seiza style for a very long time for meditation once she caught her breath. However, Tsume-sensei made it feel like a game, always rewarding her efforts and pushing her ever further with a bright smile and a claim that she was believed in. A month in, she found that Tsume-sensei had been going easy on her, as Tsume-sensei’s big dog friend started joining in, chasing her and nipping playfully at her heels whenever she got too slow, only to lick her happily if she finished her runs quickly. Two months in, Kana started learning balance, chakra use, and how to use weapons properly.

Kana’s mama looked very on-edge every time Tsume-sensei started a new part of her training, and for a few days after, but Tsume-sensei had explained when they thought Kana wasn’t listening that clan children often started learning even earlier, if at a much more relaxed pace, and if they wanted to catch up they had to move quickly. Besides, Tsume-sensei added, the sooner each thing is taught, the more practice will be had before the academy begins, let alone before her genin years and initial missions. Her mama quieted down after that, looking a little more settled, but still her mama would watch a little fretfully whenever she handled a sharp throwing knife or ran with Tsume-sensei’s big dog.

“Your chakra natures,” Tsume-sensei announced one night, smirking as Kana held the remains of the paper in confusion, “are lightning and water. That means a lot of very interesting things for you, girl. I’ll be able to teach you how to use water to make an entire training field very dangerous for enemies that would want to hurt you or your family or the other people of Konoha.”

“Yes, please!” Kana replied eagerly, missing the look of regret and pride on her mother’s face.

* * *

Three months into her training with Tsume-sensei, she started attending her lessons in the Inuzuka clan training fields. Four months in, Tsume-sensei asked Kana and her mama about adoption.

“Out in the big world, she’s going to be a target on her own,” Tsume said, “if her family is so small, it will be a target. I don’t want to take her from you, or to replace you. What I would like to offer is that Kana become an Inuzuka in name, part of the clan as a bit of an honorary member. She won’t learn our secret techniques, but she’d be allowed a canine companion like the rest of us, and she’d be less likely to be messed with in the academy because to all intents and purposes she’s from a big clan. Finally, the two of you would be allowed to live in our compound.”

“I,” Kokoro started, eyes wide. “Inuzuka-sama, why…. Why would you,”

“What mama means,” Kana said without letting her mama finish, “is that clans don’t just let people like us join. What would you get out of it?”

Kokoro started and looked at her daughter with wide eyes, but Kana smiled reassuringly to her.

“Don’t worry, haha-ue. I know Tsume-sensei well, she isn’t going to get mad at us for being honest.”

“Exactly, kid,” Tsume-sensei agreed, ruffling her hair. And I thought I told you to call me Tsume-chan, Kokoro-chan?”

“Well, I… yes. How would this benefit you, Tsume-san?”

“Easy,” Tsume replied. “I don’t see my newest friend and her darling daughter end up dead because a certain little girl is way too good to be a civilian.”

Kana nodded and smiled. “Then we accept! … right, mama?”

“Yes, peanut,” Kokoro agreed, though Kana wrinkled her nose at the way her mama looked a bit bowled-over.

* * *

Six months into training with Tsume-sensei, Kana and her mama were settled in their new house at the Inuzuka compound, a nice little place perfect for the two of them, and Kana was following Tsume into a big building.

“This is where we take care of our pups,” Tsume-sensei said. “I’ve taught you basic care for a while now, and it’s time to see if any of them will choose you.”

“Choose me?” Kana said, stunned. “You mean I could have a puppy?”

“Maybe,” Tsume-sensei agreed. “Maybe. Go on through that door. I’ll be watching through the door’s window. Just sit down somewhere in the middle of the room and relax. Don’t grab for any of them, let them come to you if they want to. Otherwise, just keep sitting there. If nobody chooses you this time, we’ll try again another time if you do well this time.”

“Okay!” Kana agreed, happily heading inside and sitting down in the middle of the room. She was rather nervous, but her wide-eyed astonishment at all of the adorable puppies had her looking around in awe. “Adorable,” she mumbled. As she sat there, the puppies played with each other, walked around, and napped. Twice a puppy came close but ultimately didn’t come over to her, and Kana started to feel depressed before she remembered that they’re young, still. Maybe she’s scary to them the same way Tsume-sensei was scary to her, once. With a little yawn, Kana decided she’d just take a quick nap while she waited for the puppies to decide whether they liked her.

“Wake up, Kana,” Tsume-sensei said warmly, and Kana lifted a hand to rub at her eyes. When her hand was pressed down by some unknown weight, she blinked a few times and looked down, only to see a tiny fluff ball curled in her hand.

“I normally wouldn’t let a runt leave with someone not from the clan, but he chose you, and that’s that,” Tsume-sensei said. “Besides, you live on the compound, and I can check in anytime to make sure he’s doing okay. You have to walk him, feed him, and teach him. You also have to name him. I’ll get you started on learning how to care for him and how to train him. In the meantime, why don’t you see if you can understand him at all, now that he’s waking up?”

Kana watched the little ball of fur stretch and turn into a more dog-shaped mass of fluff, wagging its tail lethargically at her.

“Hi, there. Thank you for choosing me,” she cooed. “I’m gonna take good care of you and protect you, now and forever. Will you do that for me and my mama too, when you’re old enough?”

The little yip felt like acceptance, and coming home. Kana couldn’t help tearing up a little and carefully hugging the little brown puppy if she tried.

“Happy birthday, kid.”

* * *

Twelve months into her training with Tsume, Kana and Hiroki worked together and moved like one person, even without the special clan techniques she wasn’t going to be taught because she wasn’t a full Inuzuka. The clan elders had had a fit over Tsume letting her join them at all. She was also introduced to Kiba, who was close to her age, and he seemed to approve of her. Kana had long ago learned the peculiar ways of the Inuzuka and now she was an Inuzuka in everything but blood and appearance, the only thing to tell her apart from the others being her lack of facial markings and brightly colored hair and eyes. One night, she used a red marker to draw her own, even when Hiroki whimpered that perhaps it wasn’t a smart idea, and besides, it made his nose itch to smell it.

“Well,” Kana said quietly, “How bad could it be?”

The answer was, simply put, bad. She was suspended from training for two whole weeks, despite the clearly sympathetic look in Tsume-sensei’s eyes, and told never to do it again, and she got some wary looks from the other clan members. She’d gone home crying that night, wishing that she could be like them.

* * *

Three days before her attempt to enroll in the academy, she had already learned everything the academy could teach her and more. Still, she was encouraged to pay attention, take notes, do the work, and pretend like she didn’t know it yet. According to Tsume-sensei, any less and she might make people look at her funny.

Tsume-sensei took her aside, and asked if she would like to be a full Inuzuka. After hearing Tsume-sensei’s plan, Kana and her mama agreed to a betrothal to Kiba, to be annulled or to lead to their marriage when they were much older. In return, Tsume-sensei gave her the facial markings and taught her a single clan technique, the council of elders unwilling to allow anything more.

“The old coots,” Tsume huffed, “I wouldn’t listen to them, but the clan respects them, and I can’t afford to fall out of favour right now.”

Kana was too busy looking in the mirror at her newly reddened cheeks and her sharp canines to care.

* * *

Kana graduated the academy with flying colors several years later, and laughed with Kiba to cover the nerves she felt as she realized she was about to be a real kunoichi.

Placed on a team with one boy and a girl, Kana introduced herself happily to her jounin sensei and her teammates, introducing Hiroki with a gleam in her eyes. Her teammates, less well-known members of the academy, greeted her cautiously but warmly; the girl was Nara Fumiko, and the boy was Shimura Danno. Their teacher was one Shiranui Genma, and his teaching methods gelled well with the methods Tsume continued to use to teach her.

“Let’s go celebrate,” she cheered, and Hiroki (now big enough to be considered a large dog, larger than Akamaru; Tsume-sensei thought he would be gigantic considering his paws were still big on him, and congratulated Kana on raising him well enough that he would be so big after having been a runt) barked once in happy agreement.

“That’s right, it’s your birthday isn’t it,” Fumiko mused, smiling.

“I guess we can,” Danno agreed, blushing minutely as Genma proceeded to tease them and then lead the way to their favorite hangout.

* * *

“Hey, be careful on your mission,” Kana’s mama asked quietly, seriously, as she prepared to go on their first B-rank. 

“Of course, mama,” Kana agreed, smiling bright as the sun. “I love being a kunoichi, mama. I’m strong, even Tsume-sensei says so, strong enough to do an A-rank, and we’ve done millions of C-rank missions and I’ve saved up a lot of money from it. Only think how much a B-rank pays! I’m smart, too. I won’t get into anything I can’t handle. Besides,” she chuckled, “I promised you a long time ago that I won’t die, so I can’t. Only think how sad you’d be.”

* * *

Four days later, Kana’s team came home bloody and bedraggled, and Kana’s mama stared uncomprehendingly when she saw Kana being carefully carried on the now-massive Hiroki, the large dire-wolf-esque dog growling if anyone moved close enough to touch her until he laid down in front of Kana’s mama and whimpered.

Kokoro took her baby girl’s hand and knelt silently, because there was nothing to say. Not now that her beautiful firework of a daughter was dead. Kokoro's eyes were dry and they felt so hot, but her chest was scraped hollow and she felt brittle. There were no tears, and she hated herself for it.

Tsume came by later, taking her daughter’s body away, and Hiroki nosed and whuffled at her hand. Somehow, it almost seemed like the big dog was trying to comfort her, even though he was clearly in emotional distress himself, always curled up on her daughter’s bed when he wasn’t watching Kokoro. It got worse after the funeral, where Kokoro hated herself even more for not crying. But whenever Kokoro was on the verge of having an anxiety attack or just breaking down in whatever way was left to her when it felt like whatever pipes produced tears were broken, there he was, gently pressing against her using a paw that could send her flying, licking her face until she calmed down. 

“She broke her promise, Hiroki,” Kokoro said quietly. “But it isn’t fair to her to say that. They said you tried to save her life. Said that if she hadn't pushed you out of the way, you might have got hurt real bad too.”

She’d seen the bandages herself, the ones that had covered his side. It had been a truly mild injury, an afterthought after the barrage of jutsu and weapons that had taken her daughter's life. The bandage had come off a few days after they came back. Hiroki whimpered, and she absent-mindedly laid her hand on the dog’s head and rubbed at the side of his face.

“It’s okay, boy. She wouldn’t-- she wouldn’t want you to blame yourself,” she blubbered, and it was like a dam burst inside her as she suddenly hugged Hiroki close even though he was bigger than she was and cried herself out into his shaggy fur.

* * *

The council of elders for the Inuzuka clan didn’t seem to like that Kokoro still lived on their land, but she was allowed to stay, and she was infinitely grateful to Tsume. Hiroki started to recover from the loss of his truest companion, and she began to recover from the loss of her daughter. Bonding in the face of their tragedy, the two of them found each other unusually good company; Hiroki helped out around the house as much as he could, and she did her best to help him get good exercise whenever she noticed him getting restless, even setting up sparring playdates with some of the clan members so that Hiroki never felt like he was missing out on what he'd been raised to do. At the end of the day, they would sit in the living room. He would curl up at the foot of the couch, she would lean against him, and read to him from her book. Sometimes she would open the door to Kana’s room, when Hiroki pawed at it, so that he could smell her or curl up on her bed, and Kokoro would look in as if to reassure herself that it was just as Kana left it before shutting the door, only letting it open again to let Hiroki out; the both of them disliked the idea of the room being disturbed or the scent of her dissipating (although that would affect Hiroki far more than Kokoro). One day, Hiroki brought an envelope to her from Kana’s dresser, hidden under a pile of books.

“Dear haha-ue,” it read. Kokoro felt her knees getting weak, and Hiroki closed the bedroom door and supported Kokoro to the couch, where she sat helplessly before opening the envelope.

An unacceptable and breathtaking amount of money spilled out of that envelope along with a short letter that turned Kokoro into a sobbing mess as she tried and failed to read it out coherently to Hiroki. The next day she quit her job to go into retirement, set up an appointment for therapy for Hiroki and herself, and took up babysitting and teaching life skills to the kids of the clan with Hiroki by her side. 

Eventually she finished his therapy dog training, and the two of them toured the hospital and orphanage frequently. Sometimes, Kokoro would even say she was happy.

* * *

_“Haha-ue,_

_If you’re finding this, it means I’m dead. Otherwise I’d be giving this to you without the letter. I guess it’s silly that I’m writing this, but I’ve written one every time I go on a mission, hiding it away. Sometimes it’s just not possible to keep a promise, and I promised too much, didn’t I?_

_I just want you to know that you’re the perfect mother, and that letting me become a kunoichi was the right thing, even if this is what it led to. Without you I never would have met any of my other precious people, especially Hiroki and Kiba. If you're reading this, apologize to him for me? Let him know I would have been pleased to be his wife someday, if he was interested._

_It’s okay, though. I'm happy. I'm just sad that I might end up leaving you on your own... so I made sure Hiroki had some therapy dog training. He isn’t a real therapy dog because he has, or had, to be a shinobi first, but I did it so that he can watch over you. Hiroki is a part of me as much as anything is. So long as you make sure he’s okay, mama, you’ll always have a part of me around. I know he’s still alive, because there’s no way I would let him die before me, and my team will be there too._

_You helped me live my life to the fullest, mama. Get out of that dead-end job you’ve been complaining about hating so much, the one you only worked at because you wanted to support and provide for me, and find something that you love. Make the most of your life the way you always taught me to. I support you one hundred percent._

_It's time you get to be happy again, mama.”_

**Author's Note:**

> If you can, try to follow Kana's advice-- don't quit your job tomorrow, but try to chase your happiness. You deserve to be happy, no matter what you have or haven't gone through.
> 
>  
> 
> Name meanings:
> 
> Kana = The One who Has the Power, Powerful
> 
> Hiroki = Large sparkle; Abundant Joy and Strength
> 
> Kokoro = Heart, Mind, Emotions, Feelings
> 
> Danno (shimura boy's name) = Gathering; to put together
> 
> Fumiko (nara girl's name) = Academic or intellectual
> 
> And their surname was Komatsu for Kana and Kokoro. Ko means "small" and matsu means "pine tree, fir tree" according to the characters I chose.
> 
> Kana was going to be the team tracker & heavy hitter, usually with taijutsu or close-range ninjutsu & weapon mix. Danno was the glue that binds the team together, and is a long-range specialist, usually with weapons. Fumiko is their tactician and leader, as well as a midrange ninjutsu specialist.


End file.
